


He deserves better

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dori is so done with everyone's shit, Everyone Has Issues, I really don't know how to tag this beside everyone has issues, M/M, Sibling Incest, Trust Issues, Underage Kissing, ricest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-06-16
Packaged: 2017-12-15 05:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nori knew that he was in trouble when Ori, sweet, young innocent little Ori kissed him.<br/>So he did the only thing he could do.<br/>He disappeared, and swore to himself he'd never get near his brother again.<br/>A plan that worked well, until the day he got arrested, and was forced to join a fool's quest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He deserves better

**Author's Note:**

> I said I'd do a Nori/Ori and HERE IT IS NOW LET ME DIE IN A CORNER
> 
> More seriously, I have made respect for everyone who writes Nori as a main character in dramatic stories because WOW isn't he hard to figure out!D:  
> I shall now go back to using Nori only as comic relief because this was far too difficult to write...XD
> 
> Still, hope you enjoy it (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

It was Dori's fault, of course.

But then again, what wasn't?

It was because of Dori he'd left home so young ( _and because there wasn't enough money to feed you all, but mostly you just wanted to get away, and it was so easy to use yet another fight with Dori as an excuse to run away_ )

It was because of Dori he didn't come home more often ( _and also because if you stay too long, mother starts asking where all that money comes from, and what trade are you in,in the end?_ )

It was because of Dori he couldn't spend more time with his baby brother ( _and if you spent any more time with him, you'd drag him down to your level. Even like that, even staying away, look what you've done to him now. Dori and mother will kill you, and you'll have deserved it_ )

It was because of Dori that he was alone with Ori that day, because Dori had decided at the last minute to go to the market with their mother.

If they hadn't been alone, Nori would never had played that roughly with the kid, tickling him until they both fell on the ground in a terrible mess of limbs, laughing like dwarflings, Nori doing his best not to crush his little brother under him.

If they hadn't been alone, Ori would never have dared to kiss him shyly on the lips.

Nori felt like he had been struck by lightening. Even by his standards, that was wrong. ( _And that's saying a lot, isn't it?)_

He quickly sat up, trying to untangle himself from his brother, but Ori wouldn't let him, still laughing and smiling.

“What did you do that for?” Nori asked, trying to sound angry but only coming as panicked.

“I wanted to,” Ori answered cheerfully. “It was my first kiss,” he added a little proudly. “I've thought about it a long time you know, and I hesitated a lot, but I've decided I wanted it to be with you.”

A billion question crossed Nori's mind, going from _how many other people did you consider and can you give me names so that I may go and break every single bone in their body_ to _what the fuck is wrong with you, I'm your_ _ **brother**_.

“Why did you chose me?” he asked instead.

Ori's smiled widened, and his cheeks blushed in a way that shouldn't have been enticing, but still was.

“I think you're my One, Nori,” he whispered, sitting up to steal another kiss.

Nori was too stunned to push him away.

A part of him wanted to yell at his brother. Ones and all that romantic nonsense were no joking matter, and if Dori ever heard that Ori had tried to joke about that, he'd punish him as he'd never done before. Nori didn't believe in it, because he was a practical soul who knew that love didn't work that way, but so many dwarves were idiots about this, and you just _didn't_ make fun of that.

Except Ori wasn't the sort to joke, was he? Sweet, young Ori, who at forty still believed all the stories Nori told him, Ori who didn't know where babies came from because Dori had decided he wouldn't know about it until he was fifty, if even then, Ori who never doubted that Nori really was a travelling merchant even when it was obvious that he couldn't be.

Dori and their mother were going to kill him.

“I'm your brother,” Nori reminded him, pushing the lad away at last. “I can't be your One.”

“Yes you can!” Ori laughed, though he looked rather uneasy now. “I know it. I feel it, every time I look at you, or think of you. It makes me very sad and very happy all at once, and I always end up thinking that if I could stay by your side for the entire rest of my life, then there's nothing that'd make me happier. It's all I want, just to be with you, always. Don't you want it too?”

“I'm your brother,” Nori insisted.

“And I don't care,” Ori replied. “You're my one. I've read tons of thing about it, and I've asked people, all sorts of people, what it was like to have a One, and all they said, it made me sure of it.”

Their mother was going to kill him.

“You're my One.”

Dori was going to kill him.

“I love you, Nori.”

He was going to kill himself, because that was all that he deserved if he'd managed to somehow seduce his own brother. His forty years old brother, the family's baby, who hadn't even kissed anyone before that day, who probably didn't even know what sex was, who was innocent and pure and had fallen for Nori's charm, as many innocent and pure dwarves had done before him, because that was what Nori did for fun. Except he hadn't even tried this time. He'd never have done that to Ori. Not his sweet precious Ori.

“You're too young to be in love.”

“Why does everyone say that? I'm not too young!” Ori pouted. “I'm not a baby. I know what love is like. And I'm in love with you, just as much as any dwarf can love his One.”

“Don't call me that!” Nori snapped.

“Well, you are! Why are you angry? I though... I hoped you'd be happy to know? I hoped you liked me too...”

He looked so heartbroken that Nori almost wanted to bend down and kiss him, to hold him and promise him that he was happy, that everything would be fine.

The thought lasted for half a second, but it was enough to scare him.

He hadn't tried to seduce Ori, but apparently he was enough of a bastard for a part of him to consider to try and take advantage of it. The one thing that saved him was that Ori was still young, _far_ too young, and as much of a monster as he was, he'd never gone for children. He wouldn't start with his brother. _(but he won't stay young for ever, and what will you do if he gets that idea stuck in that pretty little head of his?)_

_(You can resist now. Will you still be able to, ten or fifteen years from now, if he comes to you again, kisses you again?)_

_(It'll hurt him if you leave, but less that you might hurt him if you stay)_

_(Do the right thing)_

_(Just once in your life)_

“You're my brother, you idiot!” Nori yelled, using the tone he usually kept for people who did business with him and thought they were being clever. “I'd never like you that way, not in a thousand years! What is _wrong_ with you?”

Ori's eyes widened in shock. _(he's never seen this side of you, he's never seen you when you're dangerous)_

_(good)_

_(show him more of it)_

_(make sure he's glad you're leaving)_

“What sort of sick bastard would want to shag his own _brother_? Did mother drop you on the head when you were a baby? Or is it just a side effect of always keeping your nose in those fucking books, as if you were some stupid elf rather than a damn dwarf?”

“I'm sorry,” Ori sobbed, tears pooling at the corner of his eyes. “Please don't be angry. I'll never say a thing about it again, I'll pretend it's not there, please don't be angry!”

The urge to hold him and comfort him came back, even stronger than before, but Nori managed to resist again. He had too. It was all for Ori, to protect him.

An act of love, in a way.

The irony wasn't lost on him.

“Angry doesn't even begin to cover it,” he spat. “This is wrong, kid. This is about as wrong as wrong gets, and you know it. I'll leave you to think about it, and I hope you never talk about that again, not to anyone, are we clear?”

Ori nodded fervently, tears running down his cheeks. Still, when Nori stood up and walked to the door, Ori jumped to his feet and ran to him, grabbing the hem of his tunic to stop him.

“You'll be back for dinner, won't you?” he sobbed. “Please say you'll be there?”

“I won't,” Nori replied, pulling his tunic from his brother's hands. “Tell Dori not to throw away my things while I'm gone. I'll try to come and get them one day.”

That was what he always said when he left, but it occurred to him that he really might have to take his things somewhere else this time.

He doubted he'd ever come back. Not as long as Ori would be a living temptation.

And he had a feeling that said temptation would never go away, now that the seeds had been planted.

 

* * *

 

He didn't see his family for thirty years after that.

Or more exactly, they didn't see him.

Sometimes he'd go have a look at them. They seemed happy enough. Dori and their mother had finally managed to open that shop they had dreamed of all their lives, and though they seemed to complain a lot about how difficult it was to find decent fabric these days, they appeared rather content.

Ori had been apprenticed as a scribe. It was a good choice for him, one Nori approved of. And if the lad didn't exactly look happy, he certainly didn't look miserable either, so his brother assumed he had just grown up to become of those dwarves who didn't smile much in public.

A shame. He used to have such a sweet smile, one that always made Nori's day feel brighter.

It hurt, sometimes, to know he'd never be close enough to him to see that smile again.

It hurt, but there was no other way.

It hurt, but he could never be near Ori again.

 

* * *

 

Of course he had to get arrested on one of the few occasions when he was in the town where his family lived.

Sometimes, the universe hated him.

But then, Thorin Oakenshield himself came to see him in his cell, claiming he had an Offer for him, that he needed a dwarf with what he called, with no small amount of delicacy, _special talents_.

Nori agreed. What else could he have done?

 

* * *

 

“He's my brother, and if you're taking him, you've got to take me too!”

Ori seemed furious, and something in his voice made him sound more dangerous than an orc on the hunt. Nori wasn't sure if he found his little brother wonderful or terrifying.

_(a bit of both, really. Who would have though that sweet little Ori had a dragon's heart under all these cardigans?)_

He also wasn't sure how Ori had even heard that he was at Thorin's these days. The whole business of the quest was supposed to be a secret. Officially, Nori was still in his cell, waiting for his death sentence. No one knew.

And yet, Ori was there, in the next room, arguing with the fallen prince.

“I fear you do not understand the situation, young master,” Thorin claimed sternly. “We are not going on a pleasure's trip. You cannot begin to imagine what dangers awaits, and...”

“I know where you're going,” Ori cut him firmly. “I know the dangers. I'm not afraid of the dragon, or of anything else. If my brother is going, then I'm going too. If you try to stop me, I'll just follow you all anyway!”

“If you follow us, we'll have to treat you as an enemy and we will show no mercy.”

“Kill me if you want. I don't care. If he's going, I'm going. But it'd be better if you really let me come with you. I'd make myself useful! I'm a scribe, and I could record your journey, for posterity! And I can cook a little too, and I'm good with ponies.”

Thorin remained silent for a moment, but Nori didn't feel worried. There was no way the fallen prince would ever allow Ori to come.

_(Or maybe you do feel worried)_

_(he's allowed his nephews, and they're not much older)_

“You are too young for this, master Ori. Your time hasn't come.”

“If you let me come, you'll have Dori too though,” the young dwarf suggested. “He'd never come if you asked him, but if you've got me, he'll come. I know I'm not much, I know I'm not very impressive, and I'm not much of a fighter or anything, but I come in a package with _Dori_.”

Thorin kept silent again, but it was a different silence this time, and Nori could just imagine him trying to decide if the deal was worth it or not. It was. And Thorin wasn't in a position where he could afford to reject such an offer, no matter how young Ori was. Nori wondered if he should run and send Ori home before the prince could agree.

He didn't.

He hadn't known Thorin for long, but he knew it'd take more than a thief's protest to change his mind, one way or another, and Ori sounded determined.

“He might prevent you from going, instead of joining us,” Thorin pointed out.

_(excellent argument. I am starting to like, sir)_

“Not if you make me sign a contract,” Ori countered. “He can't prevent me from doing anything if I'm legally bound to your service, can he?”

_(clever boy. He has thought about everything, hasn't he?)_

“I'll go fetch Balin, and we'll have a contract for you, master Ori. You have until I come back to change your mind. After that, it will be too late.”

“Won't change my mind, your highness,” the lad claimed firmly. “I've made it long ago, and that's how it's got to be.”

“Then so be it,” Thorin answered, and Nori heard the front door open and close.

In half a second, he was in the same room as Ori.

Ori who had _grown_.

_(Not that he's become tall. Always was small for a dwarf, wasn't he? And he's still small, but he's bigger than before, and no one who sees him now could mistake him for a kid, no matter how small he is)_

_(not with a handsome face like that)_

_(wonder if mother and Dori know how pretty he's become, and if they're doing anything about it. He must have dozens of admirers. Good things you're not around anymore. You'd have done something about it, and it wouldn't have been pretty to see)_

Nori took a few steps toward him, until Ori noticed him. He saw him, he blushed, he paled at the sight of his brother.

“How long have you been here?” he whispered, looking so panicked that Nori almost wondered if it was the same dwarf he'd heard arguing with Thorin just moments earlier.

“Long enough. So, why do you really want to come?”

“What do you mean _really_?”

“We haven't seen each other in thirty years,” Nori sniggered. “You might fool Thorin with your story of brotherly love, but I know better. Why are you coming?”

Ori looked so hurt at that accusation that, for a split second, Nori wondered if he hadn't told the truth after all. But in the blink of an eye, the lad was back to his usual, blank face, the one Nori had most often seen on him when watching him from a distance.

“I don't see how that's any concerned of yours,” Ori claimed with polite coldness. “As you've just said, it's been thirty years, I'm not sure you even _count_ as my brother anymore. What I do is my business, not yours. But don't worry, I won't bother you. It so happens that I've got friends who're going anyway, so you won't have to make the effort to talk to me or anything.”

Nori frowned at that.

_(good news: your plan worked, he's over his silly infatuation)_

_(bad news: it worked too well and he hates you now)_

_(you can live with that. It's all you deserve anyway, for even **thinking** of having him when he kissed you that day)_

“I don't care what you say, or what you do,” Ori mumbled, blushing and fidgeting with his scarf. “I've made up my mind, and there's no one in the world who can make me decide otherwise, so get over it, and just be prepared to ignore me. It'll be easy enough. You've already done it for years.”

“I had a _job_ , kid”

“So I've heard. And so I see. Did you a whole lot of good, didn't it?”

A part of Nori noted that his little brother sounded exactly like Dori. Or rather, like Dori would sound if disapproval wasn't due to concern and worry, but to cold hatred.

The rest of his brain informed him that he could hear a double set of approaching feet, meaning that Thorin was back, and Balin was with him. Considering Nori wasn't supposed to be there at the moment, and that Ori probably wouldn't be able to hide his dislike, he decided he had better leave.

“We're not done with this,” he warned his brother. “We'll talk about it again.”

“No, we won't. It'd be a heavy, serious conversation and you don't do _those_ , do you?”

The icy smile with which that came hurt almost as much as the words themselves.

 

* * *

 

Dori thought it was all his fault, of course, and that Nori has somehow forced Ori to go and beg Thorin to take him on his stupid quest.

“I haven't talked to the boy in _thirty years_!” he protested.

“My point exactly,” Dori replied dryly.

Nori wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean.

He wasn't sure he wanted to know what that was supposed to mean.

But it seemed they were all going on a quest together.

At least, their mother wasn't coming. ( _Thank the Maker for small mercies.)_

 

* * *

 

Their little motley crew wasn't bad company, in the end. Nori didn't know what he had expected, but certainly not such a strange band of misfits and delusional nobles. He got along fairly well with most of them, and was easily able to pretend he liked the others too.

Except for Kili.

His hatred for the young prince burned him like dragon fire.

Not that Kili wasn't a nice young lad. Not the brightest of the lot, but nice, with a good sense of humour, and not too bad when it came to fighting. He also was Ori's best friend. Which was the problem.

Dori claimed they were friends, and that they had been for nearly four decades.

Nori thought they were a bit too comfortable with each other to be just friends. Dori, dear, sweet, _proper_ old Dori wouldn't see it of course. Nori did. He'd fucked enough people, some of them on a regular basis, to recognize that sort of casual intimacy that came after a while.

Of course he might have tolerated that if the lads had been in love _(no you wouldn't. Liar)_

But it was clear that if there _was_ friendship between them, there was nothing _more_ than that.

How Ori, sweet, innocent Ori, could be having casual sex with anyone, let alone a prince, was a mystery. Certainly, Dori and their mother had raised him differently, especially after all the troubles they'd had with Nori when he was young and having a tiny bit too much fun with too many people. It couldn't even be that Nori himself had been a bad example to his brother though, because he'd learnt to be more discreet not long after his brother's birth.

_(you didn't stop doing it, though. You never stopped having strangers. Why shouldn't he?)_

_(because he's not like that)_

_(except apparently he is. He's grown up, even if Dori doesn't want to see it)_

_(and if you've always hidden things from Dori and your mother, why shouldn't he?)_

_(because he's different)_

_(because he's better than that)_

_(because I don't get why he's doing it when it doesn't even seem to make him happy)_

And that was the problem, really. He might have forgiven Kili if the lad had made his brother happy. And they did look happy sometimes, when they were joking with everyone and trying to help one way or another, but it all went away when they thought no one was looking at them.

The fact that they were _both_ miserable offered no consolation.

* * *

 

“They're not in love,” Fili told him one night, sitting down next to him, watching with him their young brothers.

Nori had never particularly talked to the eldest prince until that point. He'd had no reasons to, and Fili had always seemed to prefer the company of his own kin.

“How do you know that?” Nori asked.

“I know who Kili's One is. And that's _not_ your brother.”

“You believe in that soulmate nonsense then?” Nori sniggered. “And you looked like _such_ a reasonable lad.”

“You don't believe in, in _Mahal's gift_? What _sort_ of dwarf are you?”

“The sort who's got a brain, and know how to use it. That thing is just a story for kids, something their parent tell them so they won't go around and fuck everything that moves when they reach fifty and their beard starts growing.”

Fili glared at him, as if he'd personally insulted him in supposing that soulmates didn't really exist. It occurred to Nori that the prince thought maybe that he too had found his One, and that he was defending his sacred bond with that person.

“Doesn't it bother you that they're... like this even though they're not in love?” Fili asked after a moment. “He's your brother, shouldn't you want something better for him than filling in for someone Kili can't have?”

“Could ask you the same question.”

Fili shrugged nonchalantly, but his fingers clutched the fabric of his trousers, and he glared at the two young ones as if Kili's arm around Ori's waist were a personal insult to him.

“I trust my brother,” he eventually said. “I know why he's doing this, because he can't have the one he loves. Never will. But he still has hope, though. I know that. He can't and won't act on his feelings, but he hopes, and that's something that keeps him going. But Ori? I haven't seen him smile in years, and I mean a real smile, not that fake thing he does around us. I don't know why he's doing this, but I'm sure it's for a bad reason.”

“Some might argue that sleeping with someone because you want someone else is a bad reason too.”

Fili frowned, as if the idea had never crossed his mind, and he soon excused himself and joined the other two. They seemed delighted to see him, making place for him between them and Kili immediately started teasing him about one thing or another. In a matter of moment, it seemed to Nori that the two princes had entirely forgotten about Ori. He didn't seem to mind of course, just taking out his notebook to start writing some thing or other, but it made Nori's blood boil.

_(What sort of friend forgets you as soon as his brother is around?)_

_(the sort who fucks you because he can't fuck the one he wants)_

_(I wonder what Ori gets out of this, though?)_

 

* * *

 

“The prince is a good lad, and if you get between him and Ori, I'll make you regret it,” Dori warned him one morning. “There's not much that has made Ori happy this last few years, you're not taking this from him!”

Nori scowled at him. That was not the answer he'd expected after saying that he doubted that friendship was good for Ori, that Kili was only using him. He'd counted on Dori's overprotective tendencies to kick in. (no matter, you've got another card to play)

_(Ori will be furious that you reveal his little secret to Mama-Dori but it's the only way)_

_(and he already hates you anyway, what's a little more?)_

“Dori, they're lovers.”

That, at least, got him a reaction from his brother, and a normal one too, because Dori looked rather worried for a moment.

“You think they're in love?”

“What? No! They're not in love, they're just shagging. Why does everything have to be about sentiment with you?”

“Well, someone in this family has to think of these things,” Dori replied coldly. “Are you sure about Ori and Kili? Because I had heard that Kili had his eyes on someone, and Ori... well, I _know_ Ori does, don't I? Poor lad, not that there's much hope for him.”

It was something in the way Dori said it, in the way he avoided to look at Nori, that alerted his brother. But no, there was no way he could mean that. Ori would never have told him of that day, and even if he had, Dori would never have taken it as a serious proof of Ori's feelings, would never have talked about it. Not good old proper Dori.

_(If he'd known about that day, you'd be dead already. He doesn't like you much, and this is a thing he'd never forgive you)_

_(then it means Ori is in love with someone else)_

_(good for him)_

_(you are not going to be jealous. You are not going to murder whoever is breaking his heart that way)_

_(even though you want it very much)_

“And who is Ori's lucky sweetheart then?”

“It's not my place to tell you,” Dori retorted, glaring at him. “If you want to learn anything about him, I'd suggest you talk to him. The boy joined that quest because he was dead worried about you, and you haven't said a single word to him since we left Ered Luin!”

“Neither has he.”

“He's not the one who left for thirty years,” Dori reminded him. “And you're the eldest. Whatever dispute there was between you two, you should be the one making the first step to make things better. That's how normal people behave, you know, instead of watching each other's every move from a distance.”

“I don't...”

“You do,” Dori cut him. “And so does he. You two are getting quite annoying. Talk to the lad, or I'll slap you until you do.”

“But...”

“I mean it, Nori. _Talk_ to him.”

 

* * *

 

For several days afterwards, Nori decided to ignore both his brothers, no matter how much Dori glared at him and signed at him to stop being so childish and go talk to the lad, for Mahal's sake, don't make me come and force you to do it.

_(easy for him to say. But Ori is always with him, or with Kili, and you can't really talk to him next to either of them, can you?)_

_(what would you say anyway? “Hey, remember when you were a kid and you kissed me? Let's forget about that and start anew! But first you must tell me who you're in love with so that I may break every single bone in his body”)_

_(oh, yeah, doesn't that sound like a perfect plan)_

_(but what if it was still you he was mooning over?)_

_(don't you dare think about that)_

_(don't you dare hope for that)_

At last, the occasion for a conversation arose. They had stopped for the night in the ruins of an old farm _(recent ruins. Strange smell in the stone. Let's hope old Thorin knows what he's doing)_ and Kili had been sent with his brother to watch over the ponies, while Dori was chatting with their hobbit and helping Bombur with the food. Ori was gathering a bit of wood, but from the way he looked around as he walked and the few branches in his arms, Nori could tell it was just a way to avoid being asked to do anything more tiring.

It was his chance.

He took it.

“Hey kid, need help with that?”

Ori jumped in surprise, and dropped the wood he was carrying. Nori couldn't help a snigger at that. Being used to walking silently had it's fun moments.

“Didn't hear you coming,” Ori grumbled, kneeling to get his branches back. “Didn't expect you, too. What do you want?”

“To offer my help, as a good big brother should do. Can I do something for you?”

The lad's hand froze just above a piece of wood.

“Since when do you you care about being a good brother? In fact, since when do you care 'bout being a brother at all? Is Dori making you?”

“Kid...”

“I'm not a kid,” Ori replied dryly, his eyes set on the ground. “And you've made it clear I was no brother of yours. It's okay. I understand. Don't force yourself. You're _allowed_ not to like me, no matter what Dori or mother think. Can't always like family, I know that.”

Nori frowned.

_(of course he thinks you hate him. That was the plan, wasn't it? It's going to be hard to convince him you don't)_

_(and that's supposing you **should** convince him, which is less than certain. You've hurt him before, you'll do it again)_

_(you haven't seen him in years, but the first thing you noticed at Thorin's was how handsome he'd grown)_

“Kid, I don't hate you.”

Ori's hands clenched on one of the branches he'd gathered.

“Of course you do. You called me sick, pushed me away, and then you didn't come home ever again. I'm not stupid, you know. But it's okay. I get it.”

“You're still thinking of that day?”

_(of course he is)_

_(he's clever, he knows that's why you left)_

_(doesn't mean it's you he wants now)_

_(he's too clever to still want you)_

_(please let him be too clever to still want you, because Mahal knows you might not resist a second time)_

Ori shrugged. “It's the last time I could hope you liked me, only to have you instead treat me like troll's shit. It's not a very good memory, but it's an important one all the same. Of course I still think 'bout it.”

“You were forty, kid,” Nori protested. “You were not really in love with me, and we both know it. You were a kid and you were reading too many romances, so you fancied yourself in love, but it doesn't meant you...”

“I swear before the Maker and the Seven Fathers that if you say I wasn't in love, I will punch you in the face until you don't have a single tooth left in your mouth,” Ori whispered, his hands gripping one branch so tightly his knuckles had gone white. “I'm not asking you to love me back. I'm not even asking you to _like_ me. I'm not even asking you to talk to me. Go on, keep pretending I don't exist, I don't mind. I'm used to it now. But if you say that I don't know my own feelings, then I will be very angry. And you won't like me when I'm angry. Are we clear?”

“Ori, you're...”

The young dwarf threw to the side his burden, and after grabbing his brother's collar, he pulled him to him and crashed their lips together. It was not a nice kiss, not by any definition. Nori tasted blood _(your own. Maybe his, too)_ and there was far too much teeth involved _(and not in the right way, or you wouldn't mind)_ and Ori was far too forceful, but bad as it was, it still made his chest tighten in a way that had nothing to do with fear or disgust.

(you are fucked)

 _(you are_ _ **so**_ _fucked)_

_(and you can't run away from him this time. You'll only have your own self-control to count on.)_

_(which brings us back to 'you're fucked' because since when do you have any self-control?)_

_(but then again, why should you resist? He wants it. If you want it too, what's to stop you?)_

_(Beside the fact that you're not sure you want him, because he's your brother. Oh, but **that's** a lie, isn't it?)_

“I know what I feel, Nori,” Ori declared with a shaking voice, pushing him away. “I love you. So don't force yourself, don't pretend I'm still your brother. I'm not. I don't see you that way. Now leave me alone. I'll tell Dori to stop bothering you 'bout me. So go back to not talking to me. It's just easier for everyone that way.”

Nori rather agreed with that. He'd stay away from Ori. It was the best thing to do for everyone involved.

He would not take advantage of his brother's delusions.

_(no matter how tempting it is)_

_(do the decent thing for once)_

_(don't drag him down to your level)_

_(if you love him, stay away from him now)_

 

* * *

 

And Nori did stay away from his youngest brother.

For about an hour, until Fili came back to the camp running and yelling something about trolls stealing their ponies, and how Bilbo and Kili had stayed there to try and stall for time.

At the news that his best friend was in danger, Ori had dashed ahead, followed closely by Thorin and Dwalin who were just as worried about the prince. Nori and Dori had exchanged a look, and had run after the others.

Seeing Ori go after trolls with nothing but a slingshot had been a rather instructive experience for Nori. One he hoped to never have to live again. Courage was a very nice quality, an important one for a dwarf too, but this wasn’t courage, it was temerity, it was throwing himself in front of danger with not a care for his life, and Nori didn’t like it one bit, not after the conversation they’d had.

At least, having been put to roast above a fire seemed to have calmed down Ori a good deal. He was quiet for a long while after the others had untied them, and he didn’t leave Dori’s side, even allowing their eldest brother to take him by the hand. Ori had always liked that, when he was afraid or nervous, though when he was a child, it had been Nori’s protection that he had sought most often.

 _(and you miss that, don’t you? When he_ _ **trusted**_ _you, and you trusted yourself around him)_

_(Why did it have to go wrong?)_

_(because everything always go wrong when you’re involved. Ma always said your father was a troublemaker, and that you were like him. He too seduced the wrong person after all)_

_(but never as wrong as that, and at least mother had the satisfaction of having him for a short while before he disappeared. For all that she complains about him, she never seemed to really regret her time with him, did she?)_

_(But Ori won’t even have that. Not if you do the decent thing)_

_(and you **will** do the decent thing for once)_

_(you really will)_

 

* * *

 

Nori wasn’t the only one to have problems with his brother, though. If he had been worried about Ori running into the fight against the trolls, it was nothing compared to Fili’s fury over the fact that his little brother had tried to attack them on his own.

 _Inconsiderate idiot with no regard for his own life_ was the kindest thing yelled at Kili that morning, while they waited for Gandalf to be done talking to his strange friend. Surprisingly, the young prince did not try to protest in any way. He stared at his own boots, his back hunched and his hands clenched in tight fists, but he didn’t say a word to defend himself, even though Nori could tell that Fili’s harsh words hurt him. He felt almost sorry for the lad, and since Ori seemed distressed by his friend’s pain, he decided to intervene.

“Calm down a little, princeling,” he told Fili, walking toward them. “The kid just tried to help, there’s no need to be so hard on him. Your uncle already told him why that was bad, don’t you think that’s enough?”

Fili glared at him, as did Kili. _(your life is a series of bad decision, and this was one more)_

“I fail to see how that’s any business of yours, master Nori,” the blond prince replied dryly. “Shouldn’t you be taking care of your brothers instead of worrying about mine?”

“I am, princeling. You’re yelling at my little brother’s friend for no reason beside the fact that you can’t tell him you were worried about him, and that’s upsetting Ori. Don’t act like your uncle, kid. Just tell the lad that you don’t want him to die, and be done with it.”

“That’s not...”

“Come on kid, a little honesty never hurt anyone, and there isn’t a single one of us who doesn’t know you’re crazy about your brother. Stop trying to act as tough as your uncle, hug the lad, make up with him, and forget he’s been a little stupid.”

Fili sniggered. “Honesty doesn’t hurt? From you? That’s _rich_ , really!”

“I’m honest when it matter, princeling,” Nori lied. “Just because I can rob you blind doesn’t mean I’m not capable of telling my brothers I love them, and if I can do it, anyone can do it, kid.”

The prince glared at him again, and Nori feared for a short moment that he was going to earn himself a punch for his troubles. Instead, Fili grabbed his brother’s arm and dragged him away, grumbling something about needing a little privacy and getting away from meddlesome idiots who’d do well to mind their own business.

Nori felt it was a progress.

At least, if their little fight kept on going, Ori would no longer have to see it, which was better than nothing. And indeed, the young scribe seemed relieved, and even smiled at Nori for what he had done.

_(and when was the last time you’ve seen him smile at you, really?)_

_(you probably don’t want to answer that, actually)_

_(_ _ **too long**_ _wouldn’t even begin to cover it)_

 

* * *

 

Of course, fighting trolls hadn’t been bad enough. They had to encounter wargs and orcs.

Nori liked neither of those.

Sure, he’d met one or two decent orcs in the past, because no one could travel as much as him and not meet a decent person of each race or nationality, but globally, he didn’t like orcs, who were a bunch of nasty bastards, were far too difficult to kill, and rarely had anything worth stealing.

They were fast too, especially when riding wargs, and it was only good luck and the wizard’s help that saved them. Once again.

A good thing that they had the old man too, because Ori, in spite of the way things had turned out against the trolls, had tried again to act as a warrior, attacking with his slingshot. In fact, Nori couldn’t help but notice that the only other dwarf to be that reckless was Kili. These two really seemed to have a bad influence on each other.

_(not to mention that they don’t learn)_

_(after all that Thorin and Fili yelled at him, you’d have imagined that the little prince would have thought of being more careful)_

_(next time you’ll let Fili yell at him, he deserves it)_

And indeed, he rather expected the blond prince to shout at his brother again after that, especially considering how angry they had both looked after their little private discussion in the woods. Kili seemed to expect it too, and the look he threw at his brother when he finally joined them if the cave was nothing short of challenging.

That challenge turned to confusion when Fili took him in his arms and held him tight, and even when they started moving again, Fili refused to let go entirely of his brother, holding his hand firmly, as if he were afraid Kili might go and run into danger again. A legitimate fear, Nori thought. The young prince was nice enough, but clearly had no sense of self-preservation.

“It's good to see these two are finally working on their issues,” Dori grumbled, looking at the princes. “About time, too. It was getting bad, if you want my opinion. I bet they were arguing again when those trolls took the ponies! What do you think, Ori?”

“I think it's their problem, not ours. But maybe they'll finally have a good conversation about it all, and settle that once and for all. I like Kee a whole lot, but if I have to listen to him complain about his brother another evening, I swear I'll murder him.”

“What's their problem anyway?” Nori asked. “They seem fairly close most of the time.”

Ori threw him a strange look, something like a pleading glare, but before he could say anything, Dori answered for him.

“I think it's just them being idiots,” the silver haired dwarf claimed. “To be honest, I'd imagine that the princes' disputes have the same cause as the ones you have with Ori.”

Nori almost chocked at that, while Ori looked like he wanted to disappear in his scarf.

_(poor old innocent Dori, he really has no idea, does he?)_

_(does he?)_

_(the way he's looking at you, that's... but no. Fili certainly doesn't lust after his own brother)_

_(does he?)_

_(it would explain a lot. But no, he's a Durin. They're honest and noble)_

_(only someone like you would want that, and Fili is nothing like you)_

“Oh, don't you two look at me like that,” Dori grumbled with a roll of his eyes. “I know why you're not talking anymore, and I find it stupid. I do hope that you too will manage to discuss it... _properly_ this time, hm? Mister Gandalf said he was taking us somewhere nice and safe, that's your chance, boys.”

Nori didn't like the way his brother looked at him then. It was the look of someone that knew more than they said. And Nori really hoped his older brother didn't know more than he appeared to.

_(of course he doesn't know more)_

_(he'd never allow you anywhere near Ori if he knew, would he?)_

_(but you've got to wonder what he thinks he know then)_

 

* * *

 

Rivendell was a decent place, as far as elvish houses were concerned. The food wasn't so bad. At least, Nori had had worse. There were only vegetables, yes, but they were fresh and clean, and that was more than he could have said about many meals in his life. Ori didn't seem half as happy as him, though of course he was used to a better quality than him. Dori was a crap cook, but their mother did well enough, when she had time.

And with the exception of Bifur, most of the company seemed to agree with Ori rather than Nori. Even polite old Balin didn't seem too happy, Bombur nibbled at a branch of celery, Dwalin was grumbling, and Bofur was flirting shamelessly with their hobbit to distract himself from the meal. 

That last detail was what caught Nori's attention the most. He had noticed that Bofur seemed to like Bilbo well enough. It would have been hard to miss. Bofur was a cheerful fellow who saw no point in hiding what he felt or thought, which often resulted in him talking more than he should have. But there was a difference between liking someone, and making half-veiled invitation to that someone about sharing one's bed, and Bofur crossed it that evening. Several time. And Bilbo blushed and spluttered and begged him to stop, but Nori was fairly sure one of the beds given to them by the elves would be empty that night.

Bombur noticed too, and since Nori was sitting next to him, he was the only one to hear him mutter something about it being a good thing.

“Not afraid the hobbit'll steal away your brother?” the thief joked. “Twelve meals a day and a nice ass like that, I wouldn't hesitate if I were Bofur.”

“Just a crush,” Bombur grumbled, throwing the other two a worried look. “Will pass once he's had him once or twice. That's how you deal with crushes, isn't it? You act on it and then it goes away. Bofur does that all the time.”

“And if it doesn't?”

“It will.”

Bombur sounded so sure of himself that Nori did not insist.

After diner, they were brought to several bedrooms. How the elves had managed to know which one of them were kin to give them a room per family, Nori didn't know. Just another elvish trick, probably. They liked to make themselves look mysterious. He wished they didn't. Trapping him in a room with his brothers did not make them good hosts.

And Dori wasn't being very clever by claiming he'd go spend the night in another room so that Ori and Nori could finally seriously talk about their problem and solve it.

“No, no, don't you two idiots dare to protest. I'm tired of it. You are going to talk, properly talk, and you're going to make up, and you're going to... do whatever it is you deem necessary to feel better, and then we are all going to feel much better.”

“Dori, it's more complicated than that,” Ori whispered, cheeks bright red. “And it's not that easy, and...”

Dori silenced it with one gesture. He looked angrier than Nori had ever seen him, and they'd had enough rows that he'd seen him very angry, very often when he still lived with them.

“I know just how complicated this is,” Dori growled. “Do the two of you really think me this stupid? Well, of course Nori would believe me to be an idiot, since that's his default point of view on everyone who isn't him, but _you_ , Ori? I've always been able to guess all your problems and see through all your excuses for anything, why should this be any different?”

Nori froze. _(he knows)_

_(does he know?)_

_(he can't know)_

_(if he knew he'd have killed you.)_

Ori had turned pale though, as if he thought that their brother did know _(but he can't)_ and he looked as if he might run away at any second. Dori noticed it too, and, his face softened a little.

“Now my boy, don't look that way. If I had had any problem with it, don't you think I would have confronted you about it long ago, and alone too? Now, I can't say the whole thing makes me too happy, because you could have so much better, but if that's what you need, then so be it. Just... do try to hide it from mother when we see her again, and allow me to keep on pretending I don't know, will you?”

“But it's not...”

“And you!” Dori growled, turning toward Nori. “I appreciate what you tried to do, it was more than I thought you capable of. _Noble_ , even. But hurt him again, and I swear I will kill you, are we clear? As I've said, he deserves better, so try to be worthy of him!”

Nori nodded. He wasn't entirely sure of what was going on, but nodding seemed like the only option that wouldn't get him killed by his brother.

“Excellent,” Dori grumbled, before sighing. “I'll try to see if I can get another place to sleep. You two should... talk. And I really will appreciate if you never let me know, should more than talking happen, thank you.”

With these words he left, mumbling about trying to make Balin and Dwalin take him in.

There was a long silence then, during which Nori dared not look at Ori. He wasn't sure what Dori had tried to tell them, but it had sounded... _(but it can't be) (he'd never think of that, not good old proper Dori) (and even if he did, he wouldn't encourage you to take Ori to bed, not Dori)_

_(It must have meant something else)_

_(It must have meant...)_

“Well, Dori knows then,” Ori sighed, sounding exhausted, almost broken. “Oh, damn everything... I'm sorry, No. I'll... explain to him that... that you don't... he'll understand. He'll probably be relieved to know there's just me who's... weird like that. You don't even have to sleep here. Bilbo likes me well enough, he'll probably take me in if I ask him nicely.”

Bilbo probably would take Ori in, indeed, and if he didn't, Kili might.

That idea didn't please Nori at all. Just because he couldn't have Ori didn't mean that others should, and especially not others who didn't at least have the excuse of loving him.

Ori wasn't _his_ , but he didn't want him to be _anyone else's_ either. It probably made him a selfish bastard. He didn't care. He'd never pretended to be anything else.

_(Dori called you noble though. Dori approved. And wasn't he the one thing you feared most in this business?)_

_(that and hurting Ori)_

_(but you've hurt him already, to the point where he went and fucked a prince who doesn't love him to forget that it's you that he wants.)_

_(he deserves better)_

_(but it's you he wants for the moment)_

_(and what was it that Bombur said about needing to have some to be able to no longer want them? The lad has wanted you for thirty years because he couldn't have you. How long will he still want you if he has you?)_

_(let him have that. By the time you get to Erebor, he'll have seen what you really are and if you all survive, he'll never want to have anything to do with you again.)_

Ori was already gathering the few things he'd gotten out of his bag when Nori walked to him and hugged him from behind, making the boy squeak in surprise.

“Nori?”

“I don't hate you, kid,” the older dwarf claimed, pulling his brother closer to him and resting his head against Ori's shoulder. “I've never hated you for... this. Wasn't your fault. It was _mine_.”

“Nori...”

“I tried to protect you. I tried to do the right thing for once.”

Ori squirmed in his arms and turned to face him, his face a mix of suspicion and determination.

“How was the right thing making me feel like a monster for years, can you tell me?”

“I thought you'd get over it. You were forty. Kids that age get crushes all the time.”

“It wasn't a crush though.”

“Couldn't know that, could I? I did the best thing I could do, and I don't regret it. It would have worked if I hadn't been caught in the wrong place.”

Ori scowled at him.

“You know, I love you, but right now I also hate you a fair bit for what you did to me,” he said, going tense in Nori's arms. “How dare you presume you were the only one to have a say in this? How dare you have treated me as if... as if I were stupid, as if I hadn't thought about all the consequences and all the problems there'd be?”

“You were _forty_.”

That was the wrong thing to say, apparently. Ori pushed him away, looking as murderous as their mother did when she thought her sons were a bunch of idiots.

“Yes, I was forty!” the lad shouted. “And I knew it was wrong, and I knew that if it was a passing fancy I'd best just wait for it to go away, because you were my bloody _brother_ , but I waited and it didn't go away, it just grew stronger and stronger every time I saw you, and you were always so _different_ when you were just with me, and I thought it was worth the risk! And I _knew_ that risk, trust me, I knew all the things that could go wrong, and it _hurt_ when you reacted like you did, but it wasn't a surprise because I knew what to expect, but I tried it anyway because I knew, I _knew_ like I've never known anything else, that you're my One!”

Nori felt like he'd been punched in the guts. He'd thought that Ori's kiss that day had been just a sudden impulse, a stupid idea the boy had had because Nori had gone too far in trying to make himself liked.

_(but he knew what he was doing, he'd calculated it all, and you've been a fucking ass to him)_

_(Mahal, he deserves so much better than you)_

Carefully, Nori held out a hand to grab his brother's shoulder and bring him close again. Ori resisted for a second, still furious, but soon surrendered and let himself be pulled in another hug.

“I'm sorry, Ori. I didn't want to hurt you. I did what I thought was the best.”

“Well, your best is damn awful,” Ori grumbled. “And I'm angry at you, so angry, you wouldn't believe it. But I will forgive you, if you don't treat me again like a stupid child. I am an adult, and I can make my own choices. And if you can't accept that I know what I want, then I will go share Bilbo's room, and tell Dori to leave us alone. Because you're never again choosing what's best for me without letting me have a word to say in it, are we clear?”

Nori nodded.

Technically he was allowing this because he'd decided that it was the only way to help Ori get over his feelings, but the lad didn't need to know that.

They remained unmoving for a moment, just enjoying the proximity again. Nori had never realized just how much he had missed being close to Ori without worrying about anything, and how frustrating it had been to be so close to him all these weeks, and yet not be able to be touch him. They had always been physical before, Ori always hugging him until he was forced to tickle him to get away, and he had _missed_ that.

_(maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he never got over this. You could live with that)_

_(but the kid deserves better. Don't you dare wish you could keep him to yourself)_

_(he deserves better)_

After a little while, Ori seemed to grow restless, and he looked up at Nori, biting his lips in worry.

“So, you don't hate me, then.”

“I think we've established that, yes.”

“And I love you, we both know that too,” Ori mumbled shyly. “But what about... do you... I mean...”

Instead of answering, Nori leant to kiss his brother. Ori gasped against his lips but lost no time in kissing back, hungry and desperate, throwing his arms around Nori's neck and clutching at him as if he were afraid the older dwarf might run away once more. It was messy and clumsy, their teeth collided more than once in a painful way and Ori nearly head-butted him at one point but it still felt _right_.

They were both breathless when they separated, and Nori felt his heart clench at how utterly debauched his brother looked. Ori's lips were swollen and red, and his cheeks had the same colour, his freckles almost disappearing under a heavy blush, his eyes gone dark with lust.

And he was Nori's.

_(yours)_

_(until the day he realizes he doesn't want you, he's yours, all yours)_

_(yours)_

Nori kissed him again, and when Ori started pulling him toward the bed, he allowed it.

_(yours until morning)_

_(yours until he decides otherwise)_

_(yours)_

* * *

 

Nori felt a brief moment of panic when he woke up and felt a weight on his chest.

He had a second moment of panic when he realized that weight was Ori's head, until he remembered that until further notice, this was a thing he could have.

It still felt strange of course. Partly because he wasn't used to to actually sleeping with his lovers. There were few people he trusted enough for that. He trusted Ori, though. And anyway, after the night they'd had, he wasn't sure he could have gone to sleep somewhere else even if he'd wanted to. The lad had been... _enthusiastic_ to say the least. Nori was glad they'd lost their ponies, because he wasn't sure he'd been able to ride for a couple days.

Not that he was complaining. He was so far from complaining. Ori'd had more eagerness than skill, but that had still been one of the best fucks Nori'd had. He just hoped they'd stay with the elves a few more days. There were so many things he could show the lad, teach him... 

_(yours until he changes his mind)_

_(better makes sure that even when that happens, he doesn't regret the time he had with you)_

In spite of Nori's efforts to stay still, Ori soon started waking him. He too seemed startled to realize he wasn't alone in his bed, but when he lifted his head and met Nori's eyes, his face was nearly split in two by the widest, brightest smile Nori had seen since...

_(far too many years)_

_(it's true that he'd stopped smiling)_

_(another thing you'd missed)_

_(you can't fuck up like that again)_

Still smiling, Ori grabbed Nori by his hair and pulled him into a kiss, much sweeter than any of those they had exchanged that night, a caress of lips and tongue rather than the desperate aggression that Nori had already grown to expect.

“Good morning,” the lad murmured against his mouth. “I slept _well_.”

“Me too,” Nori admitted with a smirk. “Hungry though. Between the elves' rabbit food last night and the _rest_ of last night, I feel like I could eat an entire pig. How 'bout we try to see if the tall bastards aren't hiding proper food somewhere?”

Ori nodded eagerly and jumped out of bed to grab his clothes. Nori almost found it hard to believe it was the same Ori who had spent the last few weeks sighing and brooding like a hobbit without food. He looked so happy and _young_ that morning. Or maybe not young exactly. He just looked his age.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Ori asked, suddenly concerned. “Is there a problem?”

“Nah, but you might want to touch up your braids, or everyone will guess what happened here.”

The lad just chuckled at that. “I don't think they'd ever imagine!”

“They'll think you shagged an elf then. Doubt Thorin will like it too much.”

They both laughed this time, and Ori jumped in the bed, half sprawling on top of Nori to kiss him until his brother pushed him away to get dressed too. They then did their best to re-do their hair, which in the end involved more kissing and groping than actual braiding, but Nori wasn't about to protest. He felt stupidly happy.

_(it won't last of course)_

_(some day, he'll realize that he can have better)_

_(but until then...)_

_(until then, he's yours)_

* * *

 

Nori had feared that Ori would have trouble hiding the change between them. But as soon as they stepped outside of their room, the young dwarf was once again as calm as ever, looking down and fidgeting with his scarf, only a small smile betraying his change of mood.

As it turned out, Nori was the one having trouble keeping his hands to himself, though he did stop when he started hearing the voices of their companions having breakfast.

No one seemed to notice anything beside the fact that they had gotten up rather late, to which Nori answered by a joke that had them sniggering, after which they were quickly forgotten. Dori was the only one to look at them a little longer, as if trying to guess how they had spent their time after he had left. A wide smirk from Nori gave him all the answers he needed and he turned away, blushing and drinking his tea to give himself a countenance.

Ori and Nori exchanged a look, and sniggered.

Soon after, Fili and Kili, the last ones to still be missing, joined the company, their hair a mess and their clothes hastily put on. They were mocked a lot more than Nori and Ori had, but didn't seem to care one bit.

Nori had a moment of anger when Kili dropped on a seat next to Ori, but he somehow managed to not kill the young prince. Not even when he gave Ori an appreciative look and grinned at him.

“I see that orcs worked well for you too,” Kili sniggered.

“Very much,” the scribe answered tartly. “A bit dangerous, but I would recommend it, if it wasn't clear that you don't need help anymore.”

They laughed together, and Nori saw Fili blush and stare at him with wide eyes, as if he were just getting something and...

_(Oh.)_

_( **Oh**.)_

_(So Dori was right, our situation was the same as the princes)_

_(How did Dori know that?)_

_(You probably don't want to know, actually)_

_(At least now you won't have to put your knives to Kili's balls to make sure he doesn't touch Ori again. That's a relief. It would have made things awkward)_

Still, he put an arm around Ori's shoulder, just to make sure the message was clear.

_(yours)_

_(for just a few days, or weeks, or months)_

_(yours until he changes his mind)_

_(yours)_

Ori turned his way to smile at him, and Nori smiled back.

_(mine)_

**The end**


End file.
